Editor’s Notes: Set online limits for your children
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Thinking of getting your child a new smartphone, video game system or PC this season? Be prepared to monitor behavior and enforce rules just as strictly as you do outside the digital realm.
Local mental health specialists gathered recently for roundtable discussions on smartphones and social media use.
"It needs to start as soon as you introduce it ... rules need to be from day one," said Lisa Fleak, licensed professional counselor at Integrated Health Centers of West Virginia
Easier said than done, right?
Parents can be a little wishy-washy when it comes to creating rules that were not necessary when they were growing up. They want to get it right, but they also know this is new, uncomfortable territory.
We know the internet and particularly social media (but also the online gaming community) can be a dangerous, nasty place. Blows to mental health are everywhere, as are dangers such as what was uncovered last week when a man travelled to Parkersburg in the belief that he was about to meet with a teenaged girl.
Representatives of the groups that took part in this week's discussion had advice for families such as: set device boundaries early and clearly; use built-in parental controls; model responsible usage; maintain transparency through regular device checks; and reach out to schools or community health workers for support.
Did you notice that bit about modeling responsible usage?
I'm guessing most of us have started to lecture a young family member about how much time they have spent with a screen inches away from their face that day, only to realize we are delivering that lecture with our own phones in our hands.
I know I'm guilty.
And while I think I'm capable of fending off the mental health daggers being flung by social media, I'm sure some of them hit their marks. Imagine how much tougher it is for a tween or teen to stave off that damage.
Sure, I know well enough not to communicate with scammers and creeps (and I'm fairly certain I can identify them), but would I have known that at 13 or 14 years old? Probably not.
On the other hand, at 13, the most dangerous thing that was happening to me digitally was that I never managed to avoid being killed by the very first goomba on Super Mario Bros., when we first sat down to play.
And believe me, my parents had NO problem telling me when I'd had enough time in front of the TV, or on our IBM PCjr.
"My biggest frustration with my families is they don't feel they have a right to monitor how much time their kids spend on their devices," Debbie Loy, Safe at Home facilitator for the National Youth Advocate Program, said during the event. "It's just hard for parents to understand that they do have the right."
Think about your own decision-making ability as a kid. Did you know what was best for you? Did you make ridiculous choices based on what you perceived as being "cool," rather than what kept you safe?
Someone probably guided you in those moments, right? And though it didn't feel great at the time, looking back you can acknowledge when the enforcement of rules and boundaries saved you a lot of trouble, I'm guessing.
If you are a parent or guardian, you absolutely have the right -- the responsibility, even -- to do the same for your own children. If you're worried about coming across as a hypocrite because of your own relationship with your devices, maybe that's a sign you need to set some new rules and boundaries for your own wellbeing, too. But it's just an excuse to keep you from having what is likely to be a difficult conversation your child won't be in favor of until many years down the road.
"That was day one, she had to give us her passwords when she got that phone," said Sarah Casseday, director of behavioral health at Coplin Health System. "If she didn't, then you're not mature enough to have the phone. If you're doing things you need to hide from me."
Monitor and set limits. Don't let your child sleep with their phone. Set parental controls and check their devices often. Model your own better habits. Have clear rules -- consider even a "technology contract," if you think your child will respond to a technique like that. Remember the realities of the world your child is growing up in; and be willing to seek outside mental health support if you need a hand.
Whatever you need to put in place to keep your child safer in the digital world, do it. They may not thank you right away; but someday, they will.
Christina Myer is executive editor of The Parkersburg News and Sentinel. She can be reached via e-mail at cmyer@newsandsentinel.com.